Hi, I’m Tiffany Peterson, and I’m thrilled to share with you today the secret sauce in setting goals that are realistic and doable – and the ability to follow through and actually achieve them – which is significantly higher when you follow this model and this formula.
People have challenges with their goals – that’s if they’re even setting them. I’m curious, have you set your goals? Are your goals up to date? Has it been a while? Could they use a little bit of refinement?
Sometimes the biggest challenge comes because we sometimes set goals that are pie-in-the-sky, right? It’s this all-or-nothing mentality which is what I call the perfectionistic pitfall. See, when something is all or nothing, it means you might be setting goals that are setting yourself up to fail.
Now what I mean by that is – you might be setting a goal, for instance, where you’re going to say, “I’m going to work out every single day.” That might be a little bit much. If you were my client, I would tell you, “Settle down. Just a moment. How often are you working out now, or getting moving, or exercising, currently?” And if you’re telling me, “Never,” or “Really inconsistently,” then going from zero to “I’m going to work out seven days a week” is a little bit unrealistic for sustainable success.
Maybe you’re setting a goal to not eat any more sugar, or maybe you’re setting a goal you’re going to write a part of your book every single day. See, when we set ourselves up that way, that it’s all or nothing, we set ourselves up for that pitfall perfectionism. Because the moment you mess it up, the one day that you don’t make the workout, maybe you’re sick or something came up with your kids, or you eat that cupcake, whatever it may be, that when we’re setting goals that are pie in the sky, we’re setting ourselves up to potentially fail. So I just invite you to become aware of that when you’re setting your goals.
To dive more into this process, I’m going to share with you a powerful formula by Raymond Aaron. He was a great teacher from Canada, on goals and productivity. This is his content I’ve been implementing in my life for years, as well as teaching and sharing it with my clients to help them succeed at achieving their most important goals. So consider – what are your goals in health, wellness, in income and sales, in relationships, in home or projects or hobbies? I’m going to share with you what is called the MTO formula. MTO stands for:
So, thinking about the goal – I’m going to use health because it’s an easy one and it’s one that applies to every single person watching this video or listening to this podcast, or reading this blog – is this aspect of MTO, minimum, target, outrageous. Let’s say one of your goals is to get moving more and exercise. We all know that we feel great when we exercise and when we get moving. So, rather than saying, “I’ve got to work out every single day,” consider, minimum: you’re going to get moving three times a week. Maybe target is four times, and outrageous would be five plus. Let’s say you want to organize your home or your office or your closet, or maybe there’s a massive project that you’re working on. And you might say okay, minimum, I’m going to put in two hours a week, target is three, and outrageous would be four plus. If you’re making sales calls, what I like to call connection calls, and make – reaching out with contacts, and whether that’s email or phone or setting up appointments – is that you, for yourself, same thing – is how many contacts are you going to make this week? How many people in your network are you going to nourish?
I use this formula for everything. It’s helped me significantly make progress. You’ve probably heard me say at some point or another, “It’s about progress, not perfection,” right? And when we set the pie-in-the-sky, all or nothing goal, we’re susceptible to that pitfall of that perfectionistic thinking. So what I love about this is it gives you a scale. It makes your goals scalable, or doable, or in other words progressionary. Rather than saying, “Oh, I failed, I didn’t work out today, forget it. I’m not going to work out any more the rest of this month or this year, and I’ll set that New Year’s resolution once more in another year.” It gives you this scalability to keep it focused on progression, which is key to sustainable success.
So if you’re writing a book – minimum, target, outrageous – how much are you going to write? If it’s sales contacts, you want to grow your business, how many are you going to follow up with? Minimum, target, outrageous. If it’s taking better care of your health and well-being, and maybe you say, “I’m going to get moving for at least twenty minutes, three times a week; twenty minutes four times a week target, twenty minutes five times a week – is that you get your body moving. So whatever the goal is – health, relationships, sales, income, contacts – you can use this formula to guide your success.
Now I still love to focus on the outrageous goal – the pie-in-the-sky, the breakthrough goal, the BHAG, which stands for big, hairy, audacious goal. I love to still visualize this and focus on this. This would be, again, that massive level of change. Yet I also give myself the permission, and I’m inviting you to do the same for yourself, the permission that I’m going to make progress. And you know what? Truthfully, from my heart of hearts, I think the most important goal that you ever make is that it is about progress, not perfection. That as human beings, we’re all trying to learn and figure it out. There’s this quote by Buckminster Fuller, where he says, “You can never learn less,” by setting goals. So set them. Put them in writing. Post them. Get support around it. But this process of minimum, target, outrageous gives you the framework to make it scalable, doable, and allows yourself to stay checked in.
When I ask people, “What’s your biggest issue? Where do you struggle the most?” It isn’t a lack of knowledge. Most of you have a lot of knowledge on goals and goal setting, and a lot of knowledge on health and sales and relationships. The gap is follow-through. But you know what? Your fortune is in the follow-through. So how do I get you to follow through more? It relies upon if you can stay checked in. That’s what I love about this process, to make progress and steps towards your goals. You can never learn less, you’re going to learn more by taking action than any other thing.
So set your goals. Give yourself some benchmarks today around your sales contacts, around your health and wellness, around relationships for connection or getting organized, or writing or producing that book or product. Minimum, target, outrageous for yourself, so you create that feeling and that awareness that you can continue to make progress. It doesn’t have to be perfect; what matters is you stay checked in and committed.
Cheering you on!
There is nothing more influential to your success, your sales, your income, your business, your relationships, your health, than that of the attitude that you’re carrying with you in life. I want you to consider this concept by Stephen Covey where he says, “We see the world as the way that we are, not the way that it necessarily is.” Your attitude, in essence, is this concept of seeing through, say, a lens, right? Let’s say you’re wearing a sweet pair of shades. You’re going to see life a little differently with the lens that you’re seeing them through. Now consider, what if you were wearing shades that were zebra print, or pink, or orange, or hot fuchsia? That would definitely color the way that you’re seeing and playing life. I want you to become aware that the way you’re seeing things is definitely shaping the life, the results, and the outcome that you’re experiencing.
One of my favorite quotes comes from Albert Einstein, where he says, “The most important decision that we ever make as human beings is: Do I live in a hostile Universe or a friendly Universe?” In other words, is life working in your favor, or is life working against you and out to get you? I know it sounds like such a simple thing, but it’s monumental to the life and the results that you’re creating.
Now here’s the thing – It’s a choice. Your attitude is a choice. It’s a
decision. It isn’t something that you just were born with, like blue eyes, or brown, or green eyes. It’s something that you have a choice to – that you get to shape and you get to influence. So I invite you to consider that. What is your chosen belief and chosen attitude? I know for myself, a few years ago I made up my mind to believe, consciously, I made the choice to believe that life is always working for my highest good, my highest favor. Now can I prove that? Absolutely not. However, what kind of results do you think I always keep creating if I choose to have the lens that life’s always working out for me? Even when I go through the tough stuff, the heartbreak, the challenge, the mishap, something that doesn’t work out, a disappointment – like the rest of you – all of those things I go through too, yet because I choose to believe that life is working in my favor, I can always find the lesson, the nugget, the silver lining or in my life, seeing how God’s hand has been directing me.
I love the scripture in Romans 8:28 that says, “All things work together for your good, for those that love God.” Now however you hold this space for God, Source, the Universe, Life, I don’t care what title you use – but that Higher Power in your life of choosing to believe and to trust that it is working out for you favorably. Now again, that’s a choice and a decision.
A couple of years ago I went through a mentoring program with Jack Canfield. It was a powerful, very influential experience in my life. He’s a dear friend and mentor. And he exposed me to one of the most powerful, profound life formulas I’ve ever read, listened to, or been taught. And it’s simply this: E + R equals O. I’ll show it to you. Pretty simple: the E stands for event, the R stands for response, and O stands for outcome.
Event + Response = Outcome
See, we all have a variety of different events all the time. There are small things to big things, right? Things that we perceive as positive, perceive as negative. Things that we are ecstatic with joy over, and things that break our hearts, and a lot of life in between all of that. But you always have the power to choose how you respond, right? This is where the power center comes in for you, is right here – is saying, “Okay, here’s the event, here’s my chosen response, now here’s the outcome.”
Years ago there was this Lexus dealership in southern California and they hit into some pretty challenging times in terms of economics. What that challenging economic time provided for that sales team was to get creative, to dig deep. They started driving out their cars to country clubs and high-end hotels, and more and more people started driving their cars. Now what happens when you drive a new car? Even if you have a nice car, when you drive that new car, you start to have that experience where you are now attached and wanting your own new car. Their sales went up significantly, even more than what they had done prior to the economic downturn. So what did that event create for them? They had to choose to respond. Now could they sit around the coffee break room and complain and whine about the challenges they were facing? Sure, and maybe they did at some point. But they ultimately got creative and innovative to dig deep to respond to the event they were up against to shape their outcome.
This is true for you, for me, for every one of us on this planet. What I love about the studies that are coming forward in personal development and spiritual psychology is we’re studying more and more about happiness. Sometimes you might be thinking the thought that “once I’m successful, then I’ll be happy,” where ironically, you’ve got to flip those. Because what we find is that people who are happy tend to create more and more success.
So I invite you to become aware, a conscious decision, today, that says this, “I choose to be happy. I choose to believe that life is working in my favor. I choose to show up with passion and life and enthusiasm.” You have that choice. It’s yours to make.
Thanks so much for reading – tune in next week for my next segment.
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Cheering you on!
Whether you’re attending a local one hour networking meeting to a full blown multi-day convention, attending live events is one of the best and quickest ways to grow your own business.
Networking meetings and live seminars are great for two obvious reasons:
- The seminar you’re attending is great for learning and growth.
- The event you’re attending has other like minded, growth oriented people there to network with.
Although I too love social media and connecting online, there is nothing like meeting in person. It gives people the opportunity to connect and get a sense of someone quickly – which in turn can build trust and rapport faster than any other option.
I personally commit to attending a minimum of two events per year (many times more) for my own personal and professional growth. I plan for it and budget it in knowing that the investment in me is often returned ten fold. I invite you to do the same.
“An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.”
– Benjamin Franklin
Per today’s Success Tip, I want to share with you a handful of strategies that can help you maximize your time and investment at the live events or meetings that you’re attending.
When applied, these strategies can create new business, sales, and income.
TIP #1: Do THIS Before You Go! The most popular phrase used when referring to networking is this: The fortune is in the follow up. It’s a cute phrase, but it’s also said so often because it’s true! Now, we already know this, right? But the challenge is doing it. So before you go, schedule time blocks into your calendar dedicated to “event follow up”. I find that already having it in my schedule – a planned priority – sets me up to succeed and it will do the same things for you too. See, when we get back from an event there is laundry and emails and all sorts of things to catch up on alongside of our already busy lives. We have the best of intentions to follow up, yet often those intentions and new warm business cards become dusty and stale underneath the busyness of life awaiting our return. “Success is scheduled” is a truer than true success strategy.
- When is your next live event or networking meeting?
- Grab your calendar now and schedule your follow up time in the days following it so it’s already there!
TIP #2: Know Your 15 Second Commercial. The most popular question you will be asked at your next live event, seminar, or networking meeting will be, “what do you do?” Plan on it. When it comes to sharing what you do, think of sharing the outcome or benefits that your product or service provides. I often share this phrase in my sales training, “Sell the Destination, not the Airplane.” People are buying destinations, not the airplane itself, make sense? Focus on what they get and receive. Create a powerful one or two line statement about what you do for others – their outcome in working with you. List out benefits and outcomes people experience and then utilize those in your sharing. Another way to think of this is every time someone asks you, “what do you do?” pretend they’ve really just asked you, “how do you help others?” By responding how we help others thrive and succeed we keep the spotlight on what we do for them. Keep it short and sweet – remember that we’re just wanting to engage, not overwhelm them with our entire story.
TIP #3: The Power of Intention. In showing up to any event, hold the intention or say a prayer to be of service to the people you will meet. I have had many cool “coincidences” of meeting just the right person that I can help or that can help me with having this mindset. All too often people see networking as “what can I get” yet the adage of show up to serve to focus on “what can I give” makes what Larry Benet, Networking Expert calls a VC – Value Creator. When you’re focused on adding value to people’s lives, you will have an abundance of opportunities and plenty of sales as you provide solutions for others. Whether it’s called prayer or intention in your world, draw upon it to help set the framework of how you’ll show up at the next event you attend…and watch the magic happen.
TIP #4: Increase Retention. All too often we attend a fabulous and inspiring seminar and take detailed notes, only to never see the notes again. To increase your retention, take even 5 minutes before going to bed that night to review your notes. This simply activity significantly increases your retention and therefore, odds of success by applying it. I find that especially if I’m attending a multi-day event, I plan to have a 15 minute evening review to maximize the investment I’ve made to be at that event. To go the extra mile, I like to review those notes once a week during personal study time over the following 30 days. Remember that success is scheduled? If remembering to review is challenging for you, put it in your schedule as a reminder to help you get the value and learning you went for.
TIP #5: Carry Blank Cards. Receiving anything in the snail mail these days stands out, doesn’t it? In the day of texts, emails, and tweets, to receive an actual card almost feels vintage – and it’s powerful. To help set yourself up for success, carry blank note cards with you in your purse or bag. I personally will carry a few in the book I’m reading or in my journal so when I find a few minutes, I can write a card right then and there. Especially when flight travel is involved, I enjoy journaling and writing cards to my new contacts on the flight home. By having them on you and while the meeting is top of mind, I like to ink those sentiments and get it in the mail.
TIP #6: Get Choosy! Although it’s possible and ideal to follow up with every new contact you made at your recent event or seminar, I invite you to pick 1-5 contacts that really stood out to you or that you had a great connection with to focus in on and follow up with. Meeting great people is awesome, following up with them is another. I find that for any goal in life, focus is the game changer to success and thriving. So pick who stood out most to you. Or who you have that “vibe” for. And then begin with building a real relationship with them. Often if we try to take on too much, we get overwhelmed and procrastinate and then do nothing. One person followed up with and a great relationship established is better than a million business cards collecting dust.
- What tip are you most likely to implement?
- Are there others that have worked for you?
- I’d love to hear from you.
Cheering you on!
The Velocity Trap
You set a goal.
You tell all your friends!
You take off strong towards that goal!
And then a little time goes by.
The enthusiasm wanes.
The doubts creep in.
You take your eyes off the goal and take stock of what others are doing. Many of them are further than you! GASP!
You begin questioning.
You look ahead to see your goal beckoning you in the distance.
You know it’s possible, yet is it possible for you?
It’s for sure possible for others doing it.
You can see glimmers, but you want so much more.
You thought that BY NOW you’d be so much further than you are…
So what does all this mean?
When we begin pursuing goals, changes, or growth it often (not always) takes longer than we would like.
Whether that be losing weight, growing your business, writing a book, or increasing your income, time can take longer than we wanted or expected…
For many of you, you’re exactly where you need to be. You just need a little patience and timing to arrive at your destination.
I have the great fortune to coach many people growing their own business – and inevitably the “not fast enough” syndrome hits them all at some point or another. They want more leaders for their downline. They want to get more media attention, Twitter followers, or opt in’s for their list. They want more clients to service. They want more conversations to become actual sales.
The “not fast enough” syndrome is normal.
And it can be exhausting, overwhelming, and costly.
Let me ask you this – if you knew with 100% conviction that your goal was going to happen, yet it was say 30 days or 18 months out, how would you choose to pass the time in getting there?
With peace and confidence?
Or with stress, worry, or second guessing?
I believe strongly that what you claim as yours – your desired dreams and goals – that they in effect are also seeking for you…as Rumi, the great poet has said, “What you’re seeking, is seeking you.”
Yet, I also believe that those dreams will show up sometimes different than imagined or on a different timeline than we may have.
So how can you travel the path of peace to your goals?
Consider these suggestions.
1. Eliminate the comparison game. Oftentimes our struggles come in the awareness of comparing our progress and results to that of others. We may have felt just fine in what we were doing until we hear that someone else has done double the results we have in the same time. In comparing ourselves to others, we take out an eternal measuring stick that can evaluate everything that we’re not doing, achieving, or excelling at. Drop the comparison meter and refocus on the positive things that you are doing in your own life.
2. Daily Meditation. I find that when I’m connected to myself, that inner awareness – some call it their intuition, their heart, or the Holy Spirit – whatever you call it, when you’re connected to it, there is a greater sense of peace and purpose to your life. I find that many insights, ideas, or actions to take will come to me in my meditation that is exactly what I need to learn or do next in the path of achieving my goals. Do you have daily or even weekly quiet time? A meditation practice? Journaling? Time in nature? By getting quiet and centered we will find the answers we seek.
3. Reward yourself along the way. This is SERIOUS friends! Pay attention to the power of celebration of your progress and milestones. Two years ago I began coaching a lovely woman in a direct sales business. Upon hiring me, she was one level away from the very top rank level in her company and her goal was to become a top level leader. In our first coaching session, I asked if she had ever celebrated herself for achieving the milestone (which was incredible) that she had already ascended to which she replied, “no.” Her first assignment: celebrate herself and her current achievement. She did so and it became a habit to begin acknowledging her progress along the way. Within 45 days or less, she achieved the top rank within her business and now has a network marketing business with around 100,000 distributors in her organization. Consider this, if you’re always waiting to be “perfect” or at the self created finish line for your goal to reward yourself, you may never get there. Rewarding yourself, acknowledging your progress is POTENT FUEL for the path of achievement. I invite you to do something this week to celebrate the milestones you’ve already achieved. I’d love to hear how this goes for you.
Have faith in yourself and in your goals.
Quit comparing your life to others.
Take time to get quiet and centered on a regular basis.
Reward your milestones.
A little patience goes a long way.
You’ve got this fellow traveler.
Office Hours for the Entrepreneur
Watch the video here:
A few nuggets to look at for yourself:
- What are my office hours?
- When am I most productive?
- What activities have the biggest influence to sales & income?
Creating a thriving business while playing more is realistic when we have quality not quantity blocks of time to focus on our MVP’s (most valuable priorities) in business.
You can have both – fun & playfulness AND productive work hours (quality) that grow your sales and income.
Cheering you on!
Vulnerability is the Way
I am writing a book.
Okay, phew! I just said it. I feel like I just jumped off the symbolic cliff with you. I just put it out there. And now I feel a bit vulnerable and free all at the same time.
I’ve been “thinking” about writing a book for a long time. People say that it’s good for business, great for credibility, and will open many doors. And while that’s true I assume, that isn’t my driving motivation.
Nearly six months ago I attended a women’s retreat and during a meditation by the ocean I had a divine, sacred experience where I felt called to share what’s in my heart. It’s as if a seed was then planted that has been gestating and it’s now beginning to come forth. It’s about me answering a call from my Divine, my heart and willing to walk in this path, even though it’s scares me and brings up lots of my unpretty stuff.
Last weekend I participated in a virtual workshop retreat to write a book in a weekend – it was awesome – great coaching, collaboration, and passion and I made significant progress. And then I hit the wall.
I’m aware that when we approach change and growth that our stuff or limiting beliefs can come up. I coach that everyday. So I was very logical about going into this weekend, yet then I hit my own wall. I was stuck, I was overwhelmed, feeling like I wanted to just check out and shut down.
As I got curious about what was up for me and gave voice to it, I became aware that my stuff sounded like this, “Who am I to write this book? I’m just a regular girl. What will others think of me?” And then the big one surfaced – “what if I can’t live up to my content (core success principles) all the time? I’m not perfect and I don’t claim to be. And I feel incredibly vulnerable putting myself out there.”
I cried. Hot tears cried. And then breathed. And then received some love and support from dear friends who “just happened” to reach out when the meltdown was happening, including my workshop partner & dear friend, Michelle. God is really so cool with how He puts people on our path in the moment we need them. And none of them “fixed” it for me – that’s my work with myself and my Maker. Yet held the love and space to say, “Tiff, it’s okay to be vulnerable. You’re writing this to honor a calling, honoring God. You’re writing this for those who are seeking it.” And then I breathed some more and felt a sense of peaceful calm. And went on to knock it out of the park.
Being vulnerable is the path of the courageous, the path of greatness.
Whether that be in the form of writing a book, taking a stand for a cause or beliefs we have, asking for a sale, communicating our needs to our partner, or any other form where we tell our own truth or take a real or perceived risk.
There are reactions we receive in putting ourselves out there – we could experience judgment, criticism, or rejection. We could also experience love, sales, connection, and fulfillment by willing to risk and be vulnerable.
It often appears that hiding our vulnerability – acting as if we’re tough, know it all, are perfectly put together, and stuffing or distracting our vulnerability – will protect us, yet in reality it limits us from living a more expressed life.
Last Spring I was introduced to a great thought leader, Brene Brown and her TED talk video. It moved me to the core. She now has a best selling book, “Daring Greatly” and has recently been featured on the popular Oprah program, Super Soul Sunday. This topic is trending big time. Take a watch and see why:
So I’m sharing with you what is up for me and creating my own path of vulnerability… so you can get the most out of the time you’ve invested in reading this article, take a breath of courage and consider for yourselves…
- Where in my life or what in my life am I avoiding or putting off?
- What one goal – greater connection, intimacy, writing your book, asking for that sale – do you know in your gut that you need to ask for or go for?
- Are you willing to ask for what you want, to put yourself out there?
Yes, your work may be judged, like mine will be. Yes, your work will be praised, like mine will be. Yes, you may get a no, get turned down, told no, or have to make uncomfortable decisions. Yes, you may get a yes, get accepted, and get exactly what you wanted. We never know unless we’re willing to be vulnerable.
I have learned for myself that the more I am authentic and allow myself to share all of me, especially the vulnerable sides, that I experience life and connections at a fuller expression of living. Vulnerability makes life more beautiful…more real, deep, and alive! And that’s a choice I’m choosing to make.
Cheering you on!
Perfect is Great, DONE is Better
A few years ago as I was working on a new project that I was struggling to complete, my coach at the time said these valuable words, “Perfect is great, done is better.”
It rang a very loud bell for me. To this day that phrase is on a simple 3×5 card in my office that I see every day.
It has served me well over the last few years as a wisdom that helps me to move forward and produce, even when I know (and accept) that it won’t be perfect.
In the quest for achieving our goals – growing a business, starting a project, producing a website/book/event/product, you name it – we want to produce high quality content, right? Which is a great thing! I will always strive for excellence and quality AND I’m also aware that many times there is a trap there wanting to suck you in for life. The trap has a name called “perfectionism” and it can keep you and your goals in a holding pen for months, years, or even a lifetime.
Which the trouble is, no matter what it won’t ever be “perfect.” It can be great and powerful, yet you could always find ways to improve anything. And that vicious cycle stifles our growth, follow through, and expression of the passion that wants to flow through us.
Yesterday I was on a walk in my neighborhood with thoughts about how amazing life is, how much life I want to live, and goals my heart wants to achieve. And for whatever reason I had the awareness that there isn’t an infinite amount of time to get after our goals and creating our best lives. We must take action in the time we have now. Yes, we can always improve and progress as long as we’re living; yet the truth is that our lives and our goals have an expiration date.
We have an expiration date for this life.
Our goals have an expiration date too.
My point in being so dramatic?
If we’re stuck in waiting for life to be perfect to make desired changes – to leave that job or relationship, to write that book or host that event, take that trip or get serious about the bucket list – all in the name of waiting for it to be “perfect”, we will likely have regrets. And that is no way to live.
So ask yourself, what’s something I am putting off doing or completing because I’m waiting for it to be perfect?
Is it writing your book or producing a product?
Is it waiting to market yourself until you have another certification?
Is it staying where you’re waiting for the perfect time to change what’s burning in your heart?
What if we could change that perspective to one of progress versus perfection?
For me, this is your most important goal: PROGRESS, not perfection.
Progress is realistic. Progress can happen every day. Progress is how we tackle an overwhelming, huge, and out-of-our-comfort-zone type of goal.
Consider a goal that you’ve always wanted to go for, but haven’t yet. Write it down.
Identify 3 to 5 simple actions you could begin taking TODAY and do it. Then pick one and do it!
Place the phrase, “Perfect is Great, DONE is Better” somewhere where you will see it often.
Realize that under perfectionism is simply just fear holding you hostage. The fears of “what if I fail? Or is it good enough? What will people think? Who am I to share this?” are all very common culprits creating the perfectionism trap.
Take your power back from the fears of you or your project needing to be perfect and invest it into the path of progress. Your progress is what creates your life and your results, with all its beautiful imperfections along the way.
Isn’t it time?!
I thought so too.
Let me know how it goes.
Self Esteem = Success
“You will perform to your self esteem.”
It was nearly 12 years ago when I heard that phrase for the first time. I was a new sales rep in a training class and at the time I first heard that phrase, I thought it was a bit of “psychobabble” talk. I didn’t think too much of it until months later I was living out what my trainer was talking about.
I had ramped up pretty quickly selling coaching for Franklin Covey Coaching and what I used to make in a month, I was now making in a week!! Awesome, right? Yes, except for the fact that I wasn’t used to making that kind of money ….and because that was outside of my comfort zone as well as my identity, I started to struggle…and it started to show up in my sales. Not good.
I hired my first “life coach” and I was introduced for the first time that year to classic books like As a Man Thinketh and Think & Grow Rich. I began to become aware of the power of my thoughts and how I was a shaping my life’s experiences.
And I went to work on the one thing I have control over – Me.
Jim Rohn has said, “your net worth will likely never outperform your self worth.”
Now, you may also think this sounds a bit woo-woo, right? Yet, I’m here to tell you that in my own experience as well as every client I’ve ever coached, we have lived out this truth.
Your self esteem is like your set of fingerprints – they’re on everything you touch: your bank account, your relationships, your health, you name it. It has a direct influence to how we show up in life and the results we’re creating – or sabotaging.
The good news? You can build your confidence & self esteem like any other muscle to make it stronger and healthier in your life. You also can go to work on you, which in turn will go to work on your sales.
Consider this – do you treat yourself like a top priority in your life? Do you cheer yourself on or tear yourself down? Do you put everyone else first and yourself last, or not at all?
Quick Inventory: Where would you rate your current level of self esteem?
Now, ask yourself, what’s one thing I can do to improve it? Begin doing it immediately! Part of building great self esteem is trusting ourselves and taking action on what our heart or intuition guides us to do.
This topic is deep and broad and we could literally do a 3 day workshop just on self esteem together. To help you get started on a path to enhancing your self esteem and therefore your results, consider these few insights to support you:
1. Trust. Self confidence comes from having a deep sense of trust within ourselves. Do you trust yourself? If no, can you forgive yourself and commit to repairing trust within you? Stephen Covey teaches that the fastest way to build trust with ourselves and others is “to make and keep commitments”…whereas the opposite is also true. Every time we make and break commitments, we erode trust. Tighten up your word with yourself so you feel confident that you’re in integrity with the boss – you!
2. Self Care. Do you take time to exercise, get good sleep, pray or meditate – or any other activity that helps your physical and emotional well being? Do you make time for you? If not, begin with 15 minutes per day to start investing in you. This simple practice will add up to a big deal.
3. Date Yourself. (I loved typing that by the way!) What I call a “Joy List”, choose to do at least one thing a week that is just for you – a massage, a game of golf, hiking, baking your favorite treat – whatever brings you joy on any level, free to expensive, that brings you a sense of joy to your life. Ideally you do something daily or multiple times a week, but at least begin with one a week. You are responsible for your happiness – so go create it!
When our BEHAVIOR backs up the BELIEF that we’re valuable and deserving, amazing things happen. Affirmations without action are simply “make believe.” If your behavior doesn’t align with the belief that you’re fabulous, worthy, valuable, etc then you’ll struggle to really believe it and live it.
Create your own joy list whether on a note pad, your laptop, or smart phone – begin adding things to it as you go that bring you joy – and then do them! Begin this week with doing at least one thing for yourself that brings you joy.
Whether you start small or go big, make yourself and your self esteem a top priority in your life. You’ll not only feel better, but you’ll also attract better results to you.
Cheering you on!
I’m choosing to forgo my formal “Success Tips” today in lieu of having a candid conversation with you.
You know how some things you love are simply just bad for you? Or perhaps too much of something or someone isn’t great for you? Sometimes too much of a good thing can throw us off balance.
Perhaps for you or someone you love, it may be a serious alcohol or drug or gambling addiction. It could also be an addiction to social media or television as a way of staying numbed out. It shows up in staying in a relationship that isn’t healthy for you or perhaps it’s constantly maxing out your credit card hoping the newest pair of shoes or handbag will feed the shopper’s high in helping you fill the void.
We all have addictions.
Some are extremely serious, as in life threatening. And some are not as serious at first glance, yet can steal our peace, confidence, and our greatest resource, our time.
One of my addictions has been sugar. I love cookies, cakes, cupcakes, chocolate, and hot cocoa. These are lovely things to be enjoyed yet too much of them can make you sick, tired, overweight, exhausted, etc. And in all transparency, sometimes the sweets for me cover up what I’m not wanting to feel or address emotionally.
So it was time for us to take a break, Mr. Sugar and I.
Today I am 50 days sugar clean of a 90 day public commitment to let go of sugar in the forms of sweets and treats. I am eating fruit or natural forms of sugar. Some days have been easy and some days it’s been hell. It’s been a good challenge for me to find many delicious recipes that are sweet yet without processed sugar. The first 10 days were the most challenging physically as my body was detoxing sugar out of my system. Yet what’s been interesting is the emotional component behind why I often reach for sweets – many times I would reach for sweets out of boredom or feeling lonely. As that craving comes up, I’ve been asking myself, “what do I really want” and then listening to what my intuition tells me. It’s been a very interesting process of insightful learning.
Now I’m not saying that my sugar addiction compares to someone struggling with drugs or alcohol or say gambling or pornography. Yet we all have things we may turn to in filling the emotional voids we struggle with in life to numb out, feel better, or bandaid the wounds we deal with.
So before you get depressed reading this, I want to share that there is great healing and empowerment that comes when we are willing to muster the courage to look at what is creating the real pain, the cravings, or temptations behind our behaviors. We can change. We can regain control over our lives, bodies, our time, and ultimately our destiny.
So consider for yourself, are you numbing out or avoiding what isn’t working in your life?
Are you covering up feelings of low self worth or loneliness with pornography, food, shopping, or incessant time on social media?
Are you procrastinating pursuing your dreams with living on Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest?
Are you covering your loneliness for real connection with online relationships?
With awareness comes the ability to make new choices.
With new choices, we shape the quality of our lives.
When we are willing to work through the emotional voids and wounds we feel by facing them, we take our power back.
As a mentor of mine has repetitively taught me, “The best way out is through.” To face the discomfort versus run, hide, or cover it.
I embarked upon my sugar cleanse for a variety of reasons – I wanted to see if there was a real difference in my energy that others claim. I wanted more mental clarity and spiritual discernment. I wanted to influence my body pH to be in an alkaline state. And overall, I wanted the self mastery challenge to show I can do it. Some people climb Everest, some of us give up sugar. Both will bring about intense learning for the participant.
I am learning that my word tastes better than anything I could eat – that honoring my integrity as I gave my word to my inner circle that I would do this – is the sweetest dessert there is.
I am learning that I am stronger than any craving or red velvet cupcake that I’m presented with…(it does help not to inhale the scent of freshly baked goods).
I am learning that I have some things in me that need some attention and healing.
I am learning that doing the things I believe I cannot do is the biggest surge of human excitement – and confidence – there is.
I am learning to be more compassionate with myself and with others as we all have our mountains to face and addictions to heal.
My path with my sugar cleanse is outlined for 90 days – until April 1st. From there I’m not sure how I’ll navigate it. I’m not saying that I won’t have sugar ever again, yet I know that I will be more aware than I ever have been related to how much of it I’m consuming. If anything, that is a Universal lesson for us all – is simply waking up to how much we’re consuming on auto pilot. For you that mean the Internet for others it’s food or sugar or shopping. Becoming aware of what we are doing – conscious creation – is a powerful place to live our lives from.
So here’s my COACHING ASSIGNMENT to you this week…
Grab your notebook or journal and consider your thoughts & responses to the following introspective questions:
- Where in my life am I over indulging? Why am I doing that?
- Where in my life am I putting off something that no longer works for me? Why am I doing that?
- Where in my life am I giving my power, money, or time away to? Why am I doing that?
- What would I rather experience? Why is that important to me?
- What do I CHOOSE?
I do believe that no matter what you face that there is always hope for positive change. That as an aware human being that you also can master any challenge or temptation that besets you. You have the courage to create the life that your heart desires. You have what it takes to face what isn’t working and fix it, heal it, or remove it. Where there is choice, there is power.
I believe in you, my friend and fellow traveler on the path.
With love & gratitude,
The Action Antidote
Let’s take an inventory, shall we?
You likely can relate to one or more of the following scenarios:
1. You know that you’re ready to do something new in your life -write a book, leave your corporate gig, create a new relationship, buy some really big new thing… and you’re scared.
2. You’re wanting to create some new thing in your life, but you’ve never ever done it before… and you don’t know where to start.
3. You’re feeling so overwhelmed with all there is to do to run a business or your life (or both) so in the midst of all the overwhelm, frustration, and anxiety… you allow distractions (social media, food, off topic projects) to steal your time instead.
The antidote to all of these challenges is found in Taking Action. Now it’s not to say that there are not other influences to some of these challenges you’re facing – yet all of these scenarios require action to move forward and create positive change.
I love what Norman Vincent Peale says about action…
“Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all.”
Isn’t that incredible wisdom? He was right on the money. And so are you when you get into action.
As Mike Dooley said last weekend, “Action breeds clarity” – you likely may be waiting for more information, the perfect website, or another certification, or to lose another 10 pounds before you will take the action that will create the outcome you want. Interestingly enough, the clarity is often found in the doing – by taking action towards your goals.
So dare to take a little more action – it doesn’t have to be a massive overhaul – although it can be and quite an adventure! Even if you take a little more action – say making a few sales calls about your new venture – before having the perfect website or business card, you will learn so much more and increase your likelihood of sales! Imagine that!
You may find yourself drawn to meeting someone new so you could create an online dating profile and put yourself out there – you may love it or hate it, but that action will breed more clarity for you. So will dating – you’ll learn more (clarity) about what you do want or don’t want in a relationship.
You may find yourself drawn to a new career path – you could take classes, attend a networking event, or take someone to lunch in that industry to learn more of what it would be like. That action will create more clarity for you.
Whatever your goal or desire is, by taking more action you can only gain more clarity and guidance of what you do want in your life.
One thought shared by personal development pioneer, Buckminster Fuller is “You can never learn less. You can only learn more.” Action increases the velocity of what we’re learning. By taking more action, we get more clear, and with that clarity we can adjust, improve, and create what it is that we want.
So your homework for the week – what’s one thing, goal, or change you’re drawn to in your life? Consider if you were to take action towards that direction, what would that be? If you feel overwhelmed, ask yourself, what’s one simple action I could take, focused on the simple?
As you take more action in your life – versus thinking and thinking and thinking about it – you will create faster and greater clarity for yourself, which in turn will propel you forward to what you want.
Cheering you on!